⭐ Parenting Young Teens: You’re Not Doing It Wrong

As a parent of three children aged 16, 17, and 20, I understand how confusing and challenging parenting teenagers can be. As our children search for independence on their journey into adulthood, home can sometimes feel less like a place of comfort and more like a battlefield reminiscent of WW1. Teenagers can leave us feeling rejected, criticised, old-fashioned, and unsure of what to do next.

The guidance we receive—from government advice to parenting “gurus”—is often conflicting and overwhelming. One moment, we are told to listen more and stop repressing our children. Next, we’re advised to be firmer, offer more praise… no, not too much praise… guide them… and on and on it goes. While some advice is helpful, it doesn’t suit every family—or every child. What it often leaves us with is the painful feeling that we are failing as parents when we don’t measure up to the guidelines.

As a parent, I have had many moments when the idea of boarding a plane to a remote island—cocktail in hand—felt far more appealing than navigating the daily challenges of raising three teenagers with rapidly developing personalities. But I didn’t leave. And this is what I’ve learned:

Teenagers are not from another planet… it just feels like it!

The Developing Teen

As teenagers move towards adulthood, they go through four key developmental processes:

Thinking

Teenagers develop the ability to think hypothetically and become more aware of moral values and social justice. Arguments may become more intense, longer, and more frequent as they challenge ideas and authority.

Emotional

A new sexual identity emerges alongside a desire for adult recognition and status. Teenagers may appear moody, volatile, withdrawn, apathetic, or short-tempered. They often spend more time alone, usually in their bedroom.

Physical

Teenagers experience growth spurts and hormonal changes. Girls develop breasts and begin menstruation; boys experience voice changes and wet dreams. They may feel clumsy, become highly focused on their appearance, and seem constantly hungry.

Social

Parents are no longer the primary influence. Peers play a significant role in shaping identity and behaviour.

While this stage can feel exciting for teenagers, it can be frightening and exhausting for parents. It often feels as though our emotional and intellectual stability is being tested as we wonder where our fun-loving child has gone. This is the point when many parents feel confused and at their wits’ end—but it is also when our teenagers need support, understanding, and encouragement the most.

Tips for Coping with Teenagers

• Negotiate and compromise – discuss difficult issues when everyone is calm

• Admit your mistakes – being a role model matters more than being “right”

• Recognise their strengths – challenging behaviour does not make them a bad person

• Listen – nothing builds confidence and self-esteem more than feeling heard

• Respect privacy – teens need space; remember, you don’t share every part of your life with them either

• Be patient – teenagers are learning how to balance independence and responsibility

• Be loving – even when they push you away, your love is still essential

• Forgive and forget – small issues can escalate quickly and leave everyone hurt

• Be hopeful – teenagers may drift away, but they do come back

• Remember your own teenage years – there were probably moments when you felt like an alien too

  
  

Above all, remember: You survived the terrible twos—you’ll survive the torturous teens.

If any of this resonates with you, and you feel that you or your teenager could benefit from talking to someone, please get in touch.

Warm regards

Kathy